When Helping Turns Into Hurting: What I Learned About Love & Letting Go
He resented me.
He couldn’t stand the sight of me.
When he was 15, his mother went to prison for meth use.
Ironically, prison may have saved her life—again.
But it left behind a deeply broken, abandoned son.
When he came to live with me, he was years behind in school.
He smelled awful—no one had lovingly taught him to shower or brush his teeth.
He played on his phone for over 12 hours a day.
I wanted to give him a safe, loving home.
I wanted to help him succeed.
So I woke him up every morning.
I made his lunch.
I drove him to school.
I took away his phone so he’d focus on homework.
What happened?
He resented me.
And I felt utterly miserable.
I was exhausted—mentally and physically.
I was doing everything I could to help my nephew,
But he wasn’t waking up.
He said he was sick multiple times a week just to skip school.
Even with a private school tailored to support him, he was failing.
What more could I do?
I finally confided in my sister-in-law.
She said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“It’s not your job to wake him up.
He’s 17 now. It’s his responsibility to get up.
To drive himself.
To make his own lunch.”
In my love for him, I had taken on his responsibilities.
And no one—child or adult—wants to be controlled.
He needed independence.
He wanted ownership of his life.
But I had been unintentionally taking that from him.
People can’t mature when we carry their load for them.
Growth only happens when we let others take responsibility for their own lives — even if that means allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions.
Conclusion
If your shoulders, legs, knees, feet — or even your teeth — are in pain, could it be your body’s way of telling you something?
Are you carrying too much?
Taking on more than you can handle?
Shouldering responsibilities that aren't truly yours — maybe out of love or obligation?
Pain can sometimes be the body’s signal that it’s time to rebalance.
Reflexology helps your body heal itself.
Schedule a session and take the first step toward relief.
Sending love, Lynne
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